Our peach tree is SO heavy with peaches right now that Eric had to put little wooden posts under the branches to provide support. There IS such a thing as too much good fruit, and today we’re applying this to our lives. I’m sitting down today to connect on a heart level with you.
I just want you to take a quick assessment of your life and ask if there’s anywhere that you’re putting unreasonable pressure on yourself—to do more, be more, achieve more than you have the physical and/or mental energy to accomplish.
I am THERE.
For the past several years, Eric and I have been able to handle a lot of projects at LearnDoBecome. We’ve created programs and products, participated in contests and summits, taught live classes, held online organizing parties, gone to lots of conferences, hired coaches…. It’s been a great experience, and we have big plans for the future.
But right now (as I’m writing this), I’m realizing that when big changes happen—in the world, in our families, in our personal lives, with our health, etc., we need to pause and make adjustments.
I just read an email from our school saying that our children will only be attending two days a week (if that…). Eric and I are also heavily involved in our church and community, and there are constant changes being made with the policies there. We’re trying to stay safe/social distanced/sanitized, and that takes a lot of extra effort–for all of us. And we’re still trying to support our oldest daughter, who is living in Ukraine on a church humanitarian mission, and our second daughter, who is starting college this month. (These are just a few of the “external” things we’re managing, plus, like you, we have things going on behind the scenes with our extended family, our teenagers, and our personal lives that we don’t put on social media, but that still need some of our bandwidth.)
I made the mistake in the past of continuously heaping more and more expectations on myself, but I’m not going to do that anymore. It only leads to burnout.
So I’m going to share my plan with you, and I hope it’s helpful as you navigate your own life. 🙂
(1) I’m going through my Current and Next-In-Line Projects and taking as MANY of them off my plate as possible. There’s this awesome thing inside our STEP program called the “Someday” list, and that is where they’re going to be parked. Any that make me sad to let go will get a calendar trigger to remind me of them in the future. And they won’t be lost…they’ll just be parked in the “Someday” category. It’s a nice, safe place.
(2) I’m getting more creative regarding how to effectively meet my goals. We are building our community here at LearnDoBecome, and I think we could 10x our reach with a few strategic efforts. In fact, I’m 100% confident we could do so. But sometimes I think I have to do everything, and I have to do everything the same way I’ve been doing it, which really isn’t the case. Instead, I’m learning that I can make our emails simpler. I can work with our team to limit the number of projects we’re trying to accomplish. I can be open with Eric about what’s stressing me out, and I can invest more time just BEING.
I want to live a calm, purposeful life. I want to be able to snuggle with Eric and enjoy the fact that I’m his. I want to help our daughter pick out the matching lockets she wants to get so we can put our pictures inside. I want to talk with our son about whatever he’s thinking about—so he knows I’m ACTUALLY listening and that I really care.
Too many of us either work ourselves to death or procrastinate it all and go numb to life, and I want that balance. But it’s not going to come by chance. It needs to come by change.
Which leads me to the next point…
(3) I’m taking a deep breath and adjusting my expectations. I promise you—when your daily, weekly, and monthly task lists are super tiny, you feel like you can fly. And you usually end up getting a LOT more done. In my case, I need to become okay with less-than-perfect results. I might make a video when my hair doesn’t look good. Or just shut my teenager’s door instead of getting frustrated that it hasn’t been vacuumed in weeks. I may become okay with a first draft on this post. (Actually, I’m committing to that right now, since I just wrote that down….) And I’m going to acknowledge the fact that I am not in charge of the happiness, success, and prosperity of the whole entire world. I know—totally narcissistic of me, but I often feel like I have to go solve everyone’s problems, and that weighs on me.
I’m sure I could make this post a whole lot more thoughtful and articulate if I did a few more drafts, but for today, I’m going to go ahead and close it up.
I want you to take the pressure off of YOURSELF, too. We do have unique, beautiful purposes in life. We do have the capacity to make a significant impact in the world. We also (I believe) have a responsibility to serve, lift, and make the world better for others.
But when we’re overwhelmed, overburdened, and feeling a little tired of carrying so many expectations, it’s time to step back, reassess, and take some of the pressure off.
I’ve shared my plan above. What are YOU thinking? What advice, encouragement, or ideas do you have for the rest of us? (We’d love for you to share!)
Much love,
April
Related Resources
Our free training gets you started—showing you 4 steps you can apply today to start creating YOUR Command Central. Sign up here (or share it with a friend!):
Positive energy heading your way! Thanks for being a role model in self-care while honoring your purposes… as a mother, wife, and inspiration to handle all our “stuff”, both emotionally and physically! Your honest sharing is welcome as we all navigate this difficult time. By the way, since starting the STEP program a couple of days ago, I’ve been working on my email inbox. I’ve gone from just under 52,000 to 17,000… so far!!!
Way to go, Caren!! So thrilled you are here with us!
Wow this is exactly what needed to remind myself of! Thank you for being so genuinely real and motivating.
❤️❤️❤️
Wow. Sounds great! I’m going through a clearing of my belongings and am very overwhelmed. Trying to do this on my own is causing me to cry often. I’m so thankful to receive your free invitation. I sure pray that it helps.
Oh, I am sending a huge hug! The tears are GOOD!! It’s a sign that you care and that things matter to you. Getting out from the overwhelm will change your life!! So thrilled for you!
Also, Congrats to Caren!!! Way to go!!! I also want to do that as well. 🙂 Bully 4 U!
Thank you April for being brutally honest and sincere at the same time. Your Step Program is helping me do something each day. Take care,
Good morning,
No. You are not responsible for everyone. But wow how we take that on ourselves. You and the system do have an amazing and positive impact on many people. I’m a mother of two and full time Special Needs teacher in a time when I want all of us to live in a hamster ball. Stress and anxiety are triple. But when I can listen to the podcasts or replay videos from the program, I feel forgiveness and permission in your voice. I’m ok. We don’t know each other, but you have already given me the gift of saying here are suggestions, but your doing great.
Thank you for that calm in such a stormy time
I sit on the back porch for the hour before my family gets up and listen to podcasts. I use the time to organize my thoughts and brainstorm new ideas for work and home. This morning it was your podcast on taking off pressure. This was exactly what I needed. I immediately thought of three things I could do to lessen the stress on myself TODAY. I feel calm and relaxed, not what I’ve become used to feeling lately. I’m excited for today’s activities. Thank you.
I appreciated this podcast as I took a walk this morning. Boy, can I relate to having teenage boys and trying to take care of everyone else. Thank you for being vulnerable and real about what is difficult for you. We need more of that in the church. It helps to know we are t the only ones struggling. Thank you for your insights. It inspires me to reevaluate how I use my time.
It was so reassuring to hear you talk about the pressures that come even from external events such as the pandemic we’re hearing about racial Injustice has. I looked and saw the last time I did my step program work was in February when the pandemic began I have just started again but after listening to the podcast I’ll be sure to have realistic expectations so I don’t get too stressed out doing it many many thanks for all the work and the love you share
I love that it’s okay to put projects on my someday list, like fixing my cupboard doors and equally less important and urgent priorities. And you need to do that too, April. Your STEP Mastery program has gotten me so far and so peaceful and happy. I still need to implement every part of it (Weekly Review) to have it working even better. So, you are spot on and making good choices for you and your family and we can do the same.
I’m thrilled to hear about your success! Feeling peaceful and happy is rare these days, but I think it’s what we’re all really searching for…. Thank you so much for your support!
April……I have been a fan, since I first read about Learn Do Become.
What comes thru to me is your genineness. I could say my idea it is the spirit behind whatever you offer………Your work has encouraged me in how to start on the piles and disorganization in my world….The co-vid pandemic has been so distructive, to those who have lost loved ones, been ill, or lost jobs……..for those who have escaped this, so far, in my life, I have seen the gift of time…..to look at ourselves, our lives, our needs in our country and see again how we are all one family on this earth….Thank you, for opening up this conversation………..April.
Thank you for your beautiful comment. There is definitely a lot going on right now, and being surrounded by people who value time, family, and purpose really strengthens me. Sending you a huge hug!
I agree! I was so refreshed by what you said because I know as a perfectionist I often redo & try harder and just take so long to do my work I miss out on being, praying, cuddling and listening to those I love. I LOVED the part about building a life around relationships, while also recognizing that there are things to do for those relationships (work, grocery shopping, etc.) Thank you for being real – that was the greatest gift to me today!!
Just want to say your first draft was perfect, no need for improvement whatsoever.
Loved the part about snuggling with Eric and enjoying that you’re his!!
And buying matching lockets with with your daughter. How sweet is that!
It’s all too easy to let time with loved ones slide, because they “will still be there tomorrow”. But they won’t. Thank you for the reminder that the people closest to us should be our highest priority,
I appreciate your comment, Cindy! I think it’s easy to get caught up in things that can be checked off. And it’s often easiest to get grumpy with our families. It definitely takes effort, and the road usually looks very imperfect, but I think anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows that the time often goes too quickly. Sending lots of love!
You have No idea how this was sent to me at just the perfectly-timed time!!
Thank you:)
I’m so glad this could be helpful Becky! Sending a huge hug!
Thanks, April, for opening up and sharing the reality that it will always take readjusting, tweaking, changing -which is hard- what we prioritize in our lives. I’m still struggling to get my office organized, but your encouragement has been a renewed source of hope with an enormous positive impact on how I come to terms with that in ways that are kind to myself. Have a great week, yourself.
I love the reminder to be kind to ourselves. I think I sometimes worry about being too kind to myself because I’m afraid it will make me lazy. 😀 But whenever I can relax, I tend to accomplish more than I otherwise would. Wishing you the best! Thank you so much for your comment.
Heartfelt, authentic post April. Bravo for displaying the courage to share your current state of being. Awareness- step 1, now you are on to step 2- a doable step by step plan if action. Bonus is you are being in service by sharing your challenge and a potential path forward that could help so many of us experiencing similar situation. Way to lead by example! Cheers to clarity!
This post is perfectly timed for me today!! I’m frustrated with how weak I still am (recovering from Covid 19). I’m doing well but zippo energy. But mentally I am ready to jump back into “All of life”! Painting – Moving along in this awesome LearnDoBecome program (love it)! – Enjoying Family – Exercising, etc. My project list is huge and I have been
trying to choose a few and not try to do more than I physically can. YOUR message was so
“spot on” and I was in tears as I read it. We want to do everything! So thank you so so much
for your inspiration. Kathy Jensen
Thank you Kathy! I hope that you get feeling better soon. I also got sick this past week with some stomach issues, and it is so challenging to feel down when you want to be up and running! Here’s to getting healthy for both of us! Have an amazing week, and thank you so much for your kind words.
I think this may be my favorite post ever! When you talk about thinking you need to make everyone happy it’s like you hold a magnifying glass held up to the word MYTH: that should precede my subconscious belief of that very thing, and I can hear my inner voice speaking TRUTH: you can offer encouragement and kindness to those you encounter (and turn them loose to code thirty own happiness 😉) when you live within your margins. This post has an elegant simplicity in getting right to the heart of the matter with kindness and encouragement. Thank you!!
Thank you so much, Anne! Isn’t it interesting how easy it is to believe the myths? I am so grateful for this community and for the strength we bring to each other. Have an amazing week!
It’s like you have a window into my mind. This was so timely. Thank you, and praying you find your peace during this time too. Thanks for all you guys do. I found you in the middle of May during the pandemic and STEP has changed my life.
This thrills me to hear about your success! We are so grateful for this amazing community, and we are so happy you are here with us. 😀
Thank you for being such a beautifully genuine and supportive voice in our lives. You make a difference. I feel like things are finally going to be possible after being stuck for quite a while… but this podcast is so greatly needed right now. The “new normal” does not feel “normal” at all and it is important to be ok with taking a step back at times to just rest and recharge. 💕
Thank you, Sandra! I am so excited for you!
Great reminder, April! Thank you so much. I appreciate your honesty and insights. I don’t have any good advice to share, but I’ll be putting your advice into practice. (Especially adjusting my expectations. I get so overwhelmed when I try to think about everything I want to accomplish – now!)
~Robyn
Thank you so much, Robyn!! We so appreciate your support!
I just listened to podcast 103 and I am slowly learning to take more time for myself and the stuff I love to do. ie weeding in our yard (and neighbors too), making cards using rubber stamps, scrapbooking, and reading several of my books that are next to me on the couch in two magazine racks.
Love that so much!! Keep it up, Kendra!!
April,
This is exactly what I needed to hear. First off, thank you for creating the STEP program. This summer I have been able to finally get my life in order. My house is mostly clean and clear of piles. I can finally breath in my home. This summer has brought peace to my life, I no longer gets knots in my stomach as I look around my home.
I know the overwhelm is back. My husband, my three kids and myself are heading back to the classroom within the week, and our church callings are on the uptake too with multiple in person meetings to allow for social distancing. We will be teaching in new and different ways, with students both at school and online. Just having the STEP system in place for the begging of the school year will be a head start for me. I think moving some projects to the someday part of my projects list will help too.
I often struggle with feelings of “I didn’t do enough for…” my students, the new teachers I mentor, my primary kids, my primary teachers, my own children, my husband, my extended family… I, like you, need to remind myself that I cannot be everything to everyone. People have agency and I need to let them feel the pains in life so they can more fully enjoy the pleasures.
Thank you so much for the podcast. It gave me ideas to help me move forward and feel less alone in my everyday struggles!
PS. I struggle with perfectionism too. My two minute video introduction for my students and their parents took me OVER AN HOUR to record correctly! I really need to break that habit if I want to be able to do this teaching thing partly on line and still sleep!
Kathy, I’m so happy that things are moving forward in a good direction for you! And it is TOTALLY normal to feel overwhelmed right now with so much on your plate. There are a lot of “mental strength skills” that I’ve needed to put into place lately to keep me balanced, but so far they are working. 🙂 SOOOO happy you’re here with us.
Those feelings of “I didn’t do enough” are common, too–but not true, as you know. It sounds like you’re working through those really well! One thought that helps me is to only expect myself to do what’s “reasonable” to support another person/organization. Stressing out, staying up all night, depleting my health… Those things aren’t reasonable, and I don’t believe God expects that of me. It’s still hard to stop myself sometimes, though!
And yes–learning to make quick videos/emails/lessons, etc. is HUGE. I think people want our love and energy–not allllll our time. 🙂
Keep up the great work!
xoxoxo
I am good at setting a pace I can handle. But I like a little pressure so I don’t procrastinate. You have given us the method and I am implementing it at my pace. I will continue to address my problem areas and do the modules by the week or every two weeks. I will keep them on my CBNAL for the week not but not for a specific day. You do what you need to do and we
will too. I am sure there will be plenty of help online from your team as well as the community. Best wishes.
This is PRECISELY what I needed to hear today. Especially considering the “times” we are in, it is entirely appropriate to downshift for a minute, so we can build up those stores of physical, mental, and emotional energy we need to keep straddling normal life, exciting futures, and this odd, perpetual “state-of-emergency” we’re living in. Got to keep those internal fires stoked to deal with the insanity of all the things the world might through our way.
Thank you April, thank you Eric, and your family, of course, and your GREAT TEAM!
Sandra, I am so happy this was helpful for you! Thank you for your great thoughts here! 🙂
Thank you for giving permission to take the pressure off, and for having a program that makes that possible. I am away at work 11-12 hours per day, 5 days a week and then work at our family farm on Saturday and Sunday. And want to visit my mom two hours away at least once a month. And get things organized in my house.
Last week’s podcast about the vacuum analogy was brilliant, and I am working on implementing a workable next actions list that I use consistently to bring serenity.
But this week I just needed to hear that it’s okay to move some projects to someday. They will still be there, safe on the list. Just not now.
Sabrina, you have a LOT on your plate! I am so happy you are here with us, and I look forward to hearing more about your life becoming as calm and restful as possible. You are obviously caring for your family in a powerful way, and your health and wellness is ESSENTIAL to keep that up. We are so proud of you!! xoxo
Hi April,
Just listened to this podcast and this is my first time to comment in your program or the amazing work you are putting into the earth. Your single take authentic podcast was exactly what I needed today. It could not have been more perfect. As we are all dealing with covid and the world shifting sideways, I find it very difficult to stick to anything that is not taking that into account. I love your program and am taking steps daily because I know that I know that what you have put together is a terrific solution for my overwhelm. But I am even more thankful today you are addressing not only what happens during regular times, which is challenging enough, but you are specifically addressing the times we’re living in. Perfect podcast, perfect timing for me to have heard it. Thanks so much for your honest approach to helping people navigate life, and not going along as if we’re all dealing with normal. Because we are not and we need tools to deal. Love and prayers to you and yours. And many thanks 💕💕
Thank you so, so much for your kind words and encouragement! This is definitely not a normal time–and even though I know how hard it is to put things off, it is so helpful to acknowledge we’re all human. Sending you a huge hug!! Great things are coming in the future–and today. 🙂
Thank you April for being so genuine and caring, and to everyone else who has posted; skimming through all the comments is uplifiting to know I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed with life and hopeful that using the STEP plan is going to bring some peace and order to our house. The most ironic feeling to me is that we have so many wonderful resources at our fingertips that we struggle with balance in life. Less can be More! The Enemy is is attacking our families with all this chaos. Thank you all for helping to bring focus in the overwhelm! May God bless all of you with good health and loving relationships!
Just read this today and it’s the perfect time for me. I had a very productive August and I spent this past weekend and Sept 1 stressed about how I was going to maintain or beat it. I am NOT! Thanks for not only walking your talk, but for being so genuine in sharing it with us. Whew, I feel better already❤
Thank you for sharing yourself. I’m just now hearing this the first week of September; I hope the past 3-4 weeks have been good to you.
I, too, used to agonize over my children. They’re grown now but you still want to “fix” things for them. Then I read somewhere that this was God’s job, not ours. And that has helped. I hope it helps you too.
I’ve found it also helps me to limit the amount of information I have coming in by unsubscribing from emails, snoozing or unfollowing friends/pages on Facebook, limiting news/internet time. In the past I’ve also put a temporary pause on any new commitments or stopped some commitments while I took the time to re-gain my balance and put things into place in my life.