This month in our ARISE membership, we’re going through a fun new process called the “Stop-the-Friction Framework.” While we’d love for ALL of you to become ARISERS, and you can jump into the membership here, I love to take part of our discussions and share them on our free podcast so you can get a sense for what we do in ARISE and hopefully apply some of these ideas right away so you can feel what a difference they’ll make in your life!
You can click the “play” button above
What is Friction?
Resistance and inefficiencies (in what we do and how we do it) that prevents us from moving forward.
Why We LIKE Friction:
- It’s familiar. We like what’s familiar. Scanning through thousands of emails, sifting through piles, running late for everything…because that can be “normal,” we tend to want to stick with it.
- It gives us the illusion of being productive. Have you ever run around all day–attending meetings or running errands–and then you think, “Wow, I am so busy, and I add so much value to the world, and I get so much done.” Deep inside, you kind of know it’s an illusion, but it feels so ACTIVE and you’re checking things off your lists, so you can easily assume it’s good work.
- It gives us “somewhere else” to place blame. No one wants to feel sub-par. We like to see ourselves as “above average” or as the “hero” of our lives. So it feels good to say, “Man, I couldn’t get more done today because so and so was slowing me down.” or “If there hadn’t been traffic…” or “If I had a better phone…” That process of blaming someone else or something else for our problems gives us some kind of psychological relief.
- It provides evidence that our limiting beliefs are correct. If I say that “I just can’t live my purpose because there is way too much work to do,” and then if I spend my days and weeks “working away at a bunch of random stuff,” that feels kind of comforting. It allows me to believe I just can’t live my purpose because I am on the move so much. It reminds me that “I am right.”
- It protects us from having to “do more” or go outside our comfort zone. There’s a big difference between dreaming about a better life and saying, “Oh yeah, when I have time, I’m going to do xyz” and actually MAKING time to do xyz. What I’ve noticed, and what you’ve probably noticed is that when you actually get the chance to make that video or hold that event or do that scary thing you’ve dreamed about, a shot of fear rushes through you. Going outside of our comfort zones is, by definition, not comfortable, and so our brains will do what they can to keep us in the comfort.
The Case for Stopping the Friction:
- It paves the way for growth and puts the compound effect to work. Every time we eliminate ONE friction point, we’re contributing to the Compound Effect. It doesn’t feel like a big deal at the start. Something like making laundry easier maybe saves 30 minutes a week. But let’s say you get laundry in place. And then meal planning. And then fix a relationship issue. And then get your finances in order. And then get that better job. And then change your mindset in a powerful way. You add all of that up, and it’s kind of like magic.
- It enables us to build momentum and be truly productive–creating the life we actually want to live. I’ve been in a state of semi-disbelief lately. I’ve reduced a lot of friction around relationships, work, eating, exercise, my daily routine, etc., and while it didn’t feel that fantastic or “big” along the way, it’s given me SO much more mental space and energy. Not everything is perfect in the world or in my family or in my life, but I can honestly say I’m waking up excited and going to bed content each day, and when hard things come up, I feel like they’re not that bad. I want you to have that, too!
- It provides space for us to honestly look at our lives and identify where we need to change. You’ve probably had experiences where you’ve humbly looked at your life and realized that YOU were causing your own problems. I certainly have! But I’m starting to actually like that process. It’s frustrating sometimes, but it’s really empowering to know that if we caused the problem, we can also be the solution. For example, I realized that, for a long time, I was making myself responsible for Eric’s happiness. He never asked me to do that, but whenever he was upset or frustrated, I would think, “What did I do to cause this?” or “How could I prevent this next time?” Now, after lots of heart-to-heart conversations with him (and some coaching from my TEAM-CBT therapist), I can respect Eric’s needs and show I love him, but I can also separate myself from the situation. He said, “April, I might not always feel happy. But it’s not your job to govern my emotions. I’m allowed to feel what I want to feel, but you don’t have to ‘fix it.'” I don’t know why I struggled with that for so long, but I realized that it’s so much better for me to give both of us a break. 🙂
- It helps us “remove the shackles” of limiting beliefs. I’ve been learning (painfully, at times) that whenever I’m struggling with something, there’s usually a limiting belief at the core. Diving into those has been such a great process–and honestly, as I’m learning to stop the friction around those beliefs, I feel like I can breathe and make better decisions for my future.
- It gives us courage to move into the growth zone. Yes, it takes courage to grow. But I believe that’s innate in us as humans–the desire to grow and create and progress. And once we get into that “zone,” each day can feel so joyful!
High-Level Overview of the “Stop-the-Friction Framework”:
We’re going deeper into this process in our ARISE call this month (come join us!), but here’s the general overview for stopping the friction…
Identify → Consider → Brainstorm → Select → Implement → Assess → Maintain OR Rework
I believe that when we can SEE the path out of the friction, we’ll start to love the process and the progress.
At LearnDoBecome, we want your journey to be happy and calm, and we want you to be surrounded by people who believe in you and who are dedicated to supporting you along the way.
Thank you for being with us! Thank you for being a Becomer! Thank you for showing up each day for your family and your friends and those who work with you professionally or in your volunteer work. There are great, great things ahead, and we feel privileged to be with you!
Related Links:
- [PODCAST 55]: Ready to Declutter Your Emotions?
- [PODCAST 183]: A Peek into My Week of Somewhat-Painful (But Life-Changing) Therapy
- Our ARISE membership is a gathering place for of community members that are using their Command Centrals to refine relationships, health, finances, individual purpose, and more. We focus on a new topic each month, and this is an amazing opportunity to receive coaching and support from Team LearnDoBecome. You can sign up for a free, 7-day trial here.
Jenifer says
SPOT ON! It’s very insightful and encouraging. Thanks for dissecting how to improve so many facets of life.