Full transcriptions of all our podcast episodes are now available inside the Apple podcast app (and perhaps others, as well!). A basic outline and related links are below. So glad you are here!
Welcome to today’s episode, which I hope will transform the way you look at “cleaning the house” and give you a huge lift!
When I was growing up, I rarely cleaned. My parents were amazing, and I had a happy, loving, thriving childhood, but “cleaning” just wasn’t our thing. As I grew up, it became harder and harder to manage my life with all the piles and messes, so I studied, interviewed, practiced, and did everything I could to learn how to live in peace and order. Now I help others to do the same, and I am so glad you are here!
Today’s podcast is a little introduction to what we’re doing inside our ARISE membership this month. Our topic is “When the House Works,” and it is something so near and dear to my heart. I hope the following principles will help you today, and if you want to go deeper–with a live workshop, worksheet with reflection questions, and accountability, we’d love to see you inside ARISE!
First, a Few Principles About Housework, in General
As we introduced this topic, we received a some feedback about the gender stereotypes around housework and the concern that some people (typically women) feel more societal/family pressure to do housework, even though everyone contributes to the work load. There’s obviously a lot of conversation we could have on this topic, but here are three principles I want to share as a foundation here.
- There is value in life-sustaining work, and there is a psychological lift available to anyone who participates.
- Our job is not to force others to see the value or feel that lift.
- Our job IS to decide what amount of work and kind of work makes sense for our unique situation, to have respectful discussions with others in our household so we can cooperatively balance our responsibilities, and to take ownership for our own experience.
And, at the end of the day, whether you agree with my perspective or not, I hope that this podcast will give you the chance to think about your own housework and your own experiences–and perhaps make some shifts in a positive direction. 🙂
The 5 Ideas for Changing “Cleaning” from Drudgery to Magic
(1) Select Your Standard
This is where we get to look at our current responsibilities, including the size of our home, the number of people for whom we have stewardship, the amount of work that needs to be done to feed, clothe, and nurture everyone in the household, our personal energy level, others who could share the work, and where we want to be on the “clean/messy” spectrum. (We like to say, “Clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy.”) This is also where we can decide what we will leave undone, what work we will hire, and what we could do to alleviate any excess pressure (crucial conversations, downsizing, putting better systems in place, etc.)
This step often takes some serious effort, and often needs to be revisited, but it’s essential.
(2) Clear Clutter and Routinely Reset Rooms
The reason I love decluttering so much is because it makes the “cleaning” part of life SO much easier. Episode 137 of the podcast (linked at the bottom of this page) shares eight decluttering insights that rocked my world back in 2001. As soon as I learned how to reduce the number of my possessions, I’d say 80 percent of my angst around cleaning went away. We have lots of resources in our LearnDoBecome Directory that go deeper into decluttering, so please check that out if you want more! (And, of course, there are tons of decluttering resources online that are amazing…)
“Resetting the room” is just the basic process of making a room look nice each time you leave it. Making the bed in the morning, taking excess items with you when you move throughout the house, loading dishes right away, wiping counters, etc. Eric and I talk about this in a video about how we keep the house clean as a family. I’ll also link that below!
(3) Revisit Responsibilities and Replenish Relationships
No one likes to do housework when they’re feeling resentment, fatigue, or overwhelm, right? This idea about putting relationships at the center of housework is perhaps my favorite of the five. I took a class back in college called “Work and Relationships in the Home.” I had no idea how it would impact my life so deeply, but the main idea is that shared family work is central to the beauty and meaning we find in everyday life. When done mindfully, the mundane work that needs to be done inside a household can actually be the backdrop for building memories, having great conversations, sharing our values, and creating family ties that will truly last.
Sometimes this part looks like “chore charts” or critical discussions with family members about who is going to do what and how the whole household will work together to maintain an agreed-upon standard. Sometimes this part feels frustrating because people have different ideas or preferences, but it’s so important to set this foundation. Once those initial decisions are made, then this is where the beauty and fun comes in because the focus shifts from “clean up the mess” to “let’s enjoy our time together while also nurturing our home environment.”
(4) Tighten Up Your Tools
One of the reasons I didn’t like (or even know how to do) housework when I was growing up was because I didn’t have the tools. We had some towels, a couple cleaning supplies, and a vacuum that kind of worked, but that was about it. Finding the right tools for your home and family–including having duplicates so family members can clean together or so tools are more accessible–can make a huge difference. It might seem like a pain to have to think about these kinds of things, but having what you need on hand is a gamechanger.
(5) Mindfully Create Magic
I now consider “cleaning the house” to be as replenishing as “lunch out with friends.” And I know that probably sounds crazy, but here’s why. When I’m cleaning, I’m also doing one of two things. If I’m cleaning alongside a family member, I’m building a relationship. We’re having a conversation, we’re singing together, and we’re enjoying that feeling of friendship and family. And if I’m cleaning by myself, I’m either listening to a great audiobook, podcast, or music playlist–or I’m thinking about my life, breathing deeply, and having an internal conversation with God. As I move around the home, I’m considering each space–how it feels, if it’s set up optimally, if there’s anything I could do to make it feel more welcoming or peaceful. I’m thinking about how grateful I am for the privilege of having a home and a family, and I’m planning how I can use the gifts I have to support others. It becomes something like a meditation, where I’m resetting my heart and mind and removing anything stressful or overwhelming from my physical environment.
It was sweet because the other day, I was telling my college-aged daughter about this upcoming ARISE class while we were sitting on a picnic blanket in the backyard. We had about 20 of her college friends over for a barbecue, and everyone was playing games, eating, and having a good time. She said, “It’s nice because whenever I invite people over, I don’t have to worry that the house will be a mess.” She’d come over a couple hours early to prepare the food and work with me to get the chairs ready and everything, but the house was clean, and Eric had made the backyard lovely, so it was a place we could all just enjoy our time together.
The point of all of this isn’t to say that you have to like housework or that you have to have a clean house. What you do in your own space is totally up to you. However, there is a beautiful feeling of light, love, and connection that I believe each one of us can feel inside our living space, and while it does take some effort to create that, it’s absolutely possible.
Sending lots of love! And I invite your (respectful) comments! Let’s strengthen one another as we build our homes and families.
xoxo
April
Please check out the links below–especially the one about our new events happening at the end of April. 🙂
xoxo
April
More Related Links!
Our ARISE membership – an amazing gathering place for community members that are using their Command Centrals to refine relationships, health, finances, individual purpose, and more. We focus on a new topic each month, and this is an amazing opportunity to receive coaching and support from Team LearnDoBecome. You can sign up for a free, 7-day trial here.
Podcast: Eight Decluttering Insights that Rocked My World in 2001
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