[PODCAST 262]: How to Calm Our Brains So We Can Rest

Would you love to go to sleep with a calm mind, instead of a whirlwind of thoughts?

That’s what we’re covering in today’s podcast. So glad you are here!

If you search online for, “How to turn off my brain so I can sleep,” you’ll get these kinds of suggestions:

Read a book
Take a hot bath
Limit screen time at night
Try deep breathing and muscle relaxation
Make sure your room is cool, dark, and quiet
Limit caffeine and sugar
Get good exercise early in the day
Set a consistent sleep schedule

All great ideas!

You’ll also hear, “Write down all your thoughts, to-do lists, and worries.”

THIS is the one we’re going to diver deeper into today. Because, while it often DOES help to write these kinds of things down, it’s still common for our brains to say “you have so much to do, and you probably won’t have time to do it, and there is a mountain of stress waiting for you when you wake up!”

Our team member, Taryn, found this thought, and it made me smile:

I used to struggle with that all the time, but after learning a few simple practices, I can finally turn my brain OFF, and I can’t wait to show you how!

To make this incredibly practical, I asked a group of our community members what kinds of things currently keep them up at night. They gave me an awesome list, so I’m going to walk through their responses and show you how you can actually give the things in your mind a logical “parking space” (kind of like VIP parking) that makes it easier for your brain to relax.

Imagine that the regular “list by the side of your bed” is like a huge parking lot that you FILL with cars that need your attention.

We’re essentially going to segment that huge parking lot into distinct sub-lots, following the pattern of our STEP Command Central–so we can work WITH our brains and finally feel peace and relief.

It’s kind of a parking lot party, and it’s changed my life, so let’s dive in, and I’ll show you how it works.

Here’s a list of the main things our LearnDoBecome community members are actually dealing with:

Emails/calls/tasks they need to remember to do
Processing major life changes
Distorted thinking patterns about the next day. (Fortune-telling, self-blame, magical thinking or things we didn’t do well enough)

(1) Emails/Calls/Tasks I Need to Remember to Do

Here are a few examples from our community:

List-writing in my head of the “done” and “not done” lists–from work and home life.
“I worry if I’ve forgotten to write something down that needs to be done and it’s going to hit me in the face later and need to be done right then or having needed to be done already and I’m late on it.”
Do I need to pick up that grandchild? Is my dental cleaning this week? Did I remember to set the sprinkler to turn on again Thursday?
“I am a caregiver from 3000 miles away! If my mind starts to wonder to thoughts of mom suddenly I am running thru lists in my head of things that need done, were they done, did I remember to review and order meds, what appts are coming up, do I have a substitute aide tomorrow that doesn’t know the routine, do I need to update the brothers on anything……. My goal is to ‘trust’ the system and these thoughts will quiet down.”
I worry if I’ve forgotten something on the schedule or forgotten to coordinate something between my mom, husband, and nanny for my children.
How will I learn to get organized while I still have so many things to do? (Get taxes done, schedule clients, collect payments, take down the pool, wash towels, feed the dogs…)
Which transition effect should I use for that presentation I’m working on? Would a new plant stand work better than the one we have?
Worry I’ll forget to bring stuff I need for the next day (lunch, paper signed for a child, paperwork for the License Office, library book to return, etc.)

These are typically date-specific, week-specific, related to a project, or they’re routines.

And if it’s coming to you while you’re trying to go to sleep, it’s probably not the first time you thought of that. Getting in the habit of writing things down right when they come into your mind will take all of these off your brain.

If it’s date-specific, you could add it to your calendar as a scheduled event, or as a task that could be done any time that day. For example, making a call about picking up grandchild or scheduling a dental cleaning could be flexible or time-specific tasks.

If it’s week-specific, add it to the appropriate section of the Context Based Next Actions List. You could add “update brothers on mom’s health” to the Phone section of the list. And “take down pool” could be added as a Home task.

It it’s related to a project, you could list the item as a sub-task with your Current Projects and work on it during your project time. Hopefully you have project time as a regular routine in your life. Something like “figure out the transition effect for a presentation” is a subtask for one of your Current Projects.

If it’s a routine, it belongs on your Routines List. The more solid our routines, the less stress we’ll feel about the day-to-day demands. (Review and order meds, set sprinklers, schedule clients, collect payments, laundry, feed dogs) Plus a good evening and morning routine. Here’s an example:

Evening Routine:

Clear counters/do dishes/close up the house
Pack lunches
Check calendar for next day and lay out all items that need to go with you the next day (clipboard of your papers, items for kids to take to school, sticky note with any other reminders of one-off things you need to prepare)

Morning Routine:

Tidy up beds, dishes, etc. as you go
Gather lunch items from the fridge
Check calendar/schedule/sticky note to make sure you have what you need
Coordinate with family members

Once you start implementing these strategies, you’ll get to the point where you’ll think you forgot to write the item down, you’ll go to write it down, and then you see it’s already there!

(2) Processing Major Life Changes

Others’ health and mental health–and related crises, new phase of life for you or a family member, etc. Some of these are incredibly hard, and some of these are happy, but adjusting to change still requires an adjustment.

Here are 3 ideas to help:

Put these on your Current Projects List. Some examples are:
- Helping children transition to new apartments
- Physical therapy/healing my broken shoulder
- Figuring out new schedule–with a baby, after retirement, with a new job, etc.
When you think of them, know they’re on your Current Projects List, which is posted in your office or at the top of your digital projects manager and gets your attention each week.
These might also go on a “to pray about” list. You could create a section of your Next Actions List for these kinds of things.
OR if you want to designate a 15-minute “worry routine” each Wednesday at 8am, for example, you can add it there and worry your heart out for those minutes.

(3) Distorted Thinking Patterns About the Next Day

This might look like the following:

The weather might be bad, so I can’t go on a walk.
“There isn’t enough time.” or “Tomorrow’s events are going to completely deplete my energy.”
I didn’t get enough done or use my time efficiently.

I highly recommend checking out “Feeling Great” by Dr. David Burns. I learned that there are some really common thinking errors.

Here are a few final ideas of things we do like to think about as we fall asleep:

Gratitude
Gains/what went well and why
Just focusing on breathing, relaxing, mantras or quotes that make us happy, etc.

We need to take care of ourselves so we can be there to serve others.

The next step for you?

Put these ideas to the test! I encourage you to write down the kinds of thoughts that might keep you awake, and then implement at least one idea from this video. Let me know how it goes in the comments!

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