Have you ever committed to do something and then later realized it was going to be waaaay too much to take on?
Renegotiation is a natural (and necessary!) part of our daily lives, and today we’re going to show you how not to feel like a failure.
Time Stamps
0:00 – A little bit about what’s going on behind the scenes. We are real people–on this journey WITH you. 🙂
6:00 – Idea #1 – Redefine failure.
Do you ever fall into “black and white” thinking? We do, too. But as long as we are moving in the direction we want to be moving, failure is simply falling WITHOUT getting back up. That’s not what any of us are doing here at LearnDoBecome.
Listen to the podcast for a couple of stories to illustrate this point, or you can click the article link at the bottom of this post about renegotiating (that I published on Power of Moms a few years ago).
As Eric likes to say, “There is no falling off the wagon–because there is no wagon.” Move at your own pace. And as you get started, you will begin to see results.
14:00 – Idea #2 – Learn to separate what matters and what doesn’t matter.
I got a concussion in November of 2016, and I literally couldn’t “do” Christmas, so Eric was in charge of making the Christmas morning magic happen.
Instead of buying and wrapping lots of new gifts, however, he gathered all the meaningful things that the kids had received over the course of the year (including the dog!) and placed them under the tree as a visual recognition of the many blessings we’d received throughout the year. A sign on the tree identified the collection of items as “The Great Big Pile of Holiday Mirth.” See the photo below–and notice the wrapping paper in the corner of the room, which he left there in case the children wanted to wrap their own gifts….
To be honest, I was mortified–watching all of this happen as I rested on the couch. But at the end of the day, it was totally fine. All the “stuff” of the holidays isn’t what MAKES the holidays.
22:00 – Idea #3. Get creative in HOW you renegotiate.
Some examples:
- Instead of preparing handwritten notes for the amazing volunteer team I work with at Power of Moms, I recorded a voice memo, sharing a simple message from my heart and then delivered it by email.
- Instead of spending hours of coordination or work on a gift for a group of cherished volunteers at church, my friends and I recorded ourselves singing a personalized Christmas carol to them, uploaded the video to Google Drive, and sent them the link.
No, these weren’t gift-wrapped presents with a bow, but they were simple ways to let people know how much I care about them.
26:00 – ***Listen to the podcast to hear about our upcoming monthly membership opportunity launching in 2019: ARISE*** Eric and I have been doing a LOT of thinking, talking, and planning–because we want to interact more with our community here at LearnDoBecome and serve each of you in a more personal, meaningful way. We’re really excited about what’s coming and hope you will be, too! Get on the ARISE interest list here!!
CHALLENGE: Take a few minutes to write down what your expectations are of yourself that are causing you stress.
QUESTION: How could you do these things differently, less, or not at all, to better align your expectations with your priorities?
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Related Resources
#1: Dr. Burns’ recent Feeling Good podcast, Can You Change Self-Defeating Beliefs, talked about redefining failure. Here is my 4-am screenshot, just for you, so you can zip over to the part I liked best:
I learned more about the language we can use to redefine “failure”. For example, you could say, “It would be preferable if we could have all our Christmas gifts ready in advance.” Check out my favorite psychiatrist-in-my-pocket’s words of wisdom here!
#2: This is the post I wrote at Power of Moms a few years ago about my chili experience and the story of renegotiating my expectations of myself while preparing for an event at my home:
#3: The ARISE Interest List!! Do you want to participate in an awesome community that will help you grow, progress, strengthen your family, and eliminate the friction points of life? Click here to tell us you are soooo excited and want to be the first to hear more!!
We are incredibly grateful for you and hope that this is a wonderful week. Sending so much love!
-April and Eric
Thanks for taking the time to do this podcast. I try really hard to discern when I need to put in extra effort or if it’s not really needed. Great story about the chili. Eric, comments on wrapping gifts that were previously given during the year struck a chord with me. I have a different situation but have decided to make a list of all the things I’ve given and done for a certain child at my house in the past semester and give to him. The benefits are two-fold: It will be a great summary for myself of how much and how many times I’ve expressed love for him, and will also show him how well he has been supported by me. Anyhow, I’m now in the middle of listening to it for a 2nd time. Your hard work on this has encouraged me.
Janet, I read this comment to Eric today (while we were driving), and we were both so excited to hear that you are putting together a summary for yourself of all you’ve done for your child. Way to go!!! We’re so grateful to have you here with us at LearnDoBecome. Sending so much love!!!