I’ve heard so many people say, “I have a hard time letting go of things. I know I want to. I know I need to. I just don’t know how to give myself that permission to let go.”
Here’s the thing: When you feel anxious, angry, guilty, or any other negative emotion, you don’t want someone to simply say, “Don’t worry about it. Just let it go.” You have reasons–good reasons–to hold onto those feelings. What we often consider to be ‘negative’ feelings or thoughts are, in fact, a reflection of our values.
Recognizing and acknowledging these deeper values is a deep form of empathy and compassion for ourselves and helps reduce the internal conflict we feel when we are suffering emotionally. So how does this relate to decluttering?
When your physical clutter brings up those strong emotions, it is essential to honor the parts of you that want to keep those items. You don’t have to get rid of those feelings. You simply work to dial them down.
3-Step Process to Honor Your Feelings While Decluttering
1. Identify the situation.
Maybe you’ve just inherited a house full of stuff from a parent who passed away. Or you have boxes and boxes of stuff that you’ve never unpacked from a move that happened several years ago. Or clutter built up as a family crisis took forefront in your life. What is your situation?
2. What are the reasons you are holding onto the clutter? What does it represent? Write down your thoughts.
Some examples:
- I just want to get rid of all of it. But if I get rid of all of it, I’m giving away my love for my parents.
- This box of baby supplies represents my wish that I could have another child.
Maybe it represents your love or your memories. Maybe it represents something you wish you could have been, or had, or done, or held onto longer. Whatever it is, write it down.
3. Consider ways to dial down how much room this clutter takes in your life.
You are still holding onto the things that represent the best of those experiences, that person, or that memory. But you’re not holding onto all of it. That way, you get to keep the beauty and get rid of the overwhelm.
Our Steps to Everyday Productivity (STEP) community has so many great ideas for ways you can do this!
- Take pictures of sentimental items and create a collage or photobook that you can display in their place. Or you could put the pictures into Evernote or onto an Instagram account, where you can view them from anywhere on your phone!
- Journal about the memory associated with the item.
- Was the item a gift? If the giver thought this item was giving you trouble, they would gladly tell you to take a picture and give it away.
- Pack the items into a box, label and date the box, and put it into storage. This gives you a chance to see how it feels to live without those things and make sure it’s okay to give them away.
- Use the Marie Kondo method: Thank the thing for its service. If it’s still usable, gently release it to spark joy in someone else’s life. If it needs to be thrown away, thank it for its usefulness and let it rest.
- Find a community of people to cheer you on as you sort through your treasures to keep only the best. (Our STEP community is SO good at this! Want to join us? Learn more in our free class linked below!)
- Set up a station for decluttering, with places for giving away, trash, recycle, regifting, etc.
- Consider who you might know who could really use and enjoy your things and give them to those people.
- Look to see if there is a local Facebook group where you can post and pass on your things for free.
- Give yourself permission to take it slowly.
- Consider decluttering with a family member, especially if you think they might be more ready to let things go than you are.
- Give yourself a limit to how much you will keep. This could be a number of items, or a container in which to fit your treasures.
- Or decide how much you would like to give away during each decluttering session.
- Remind yourself that you are making room for better things.
LearnDoBecome Challenge:
Take a few minutes to identify your situation and write down what your sentimental things represent to you. Then choose one of the ideas shared by our STEP community to help you declutter–and if you’re feeling brave, share your struggles, commitments and/or successes in the comments below! We’d love to hear what’s working for you!
Related Resources
*Feeling Good and *When Panic Attacks by David Burns
If you’re looking for a simple, step-by-step process to streamline your “stuff,” this is an incredibly doable way to get started.
*And here are some bankers’ boxes on Amazon!
Do you have a hard time deciding what to keep and what to throw away? This powerful podcast with best-selling author and professional organizer, Julie Morgenstern, will give you tips and strategies to transform your personal space.
There is such POWER in community. Are you looking for a group of people to cheer for you and coach you through your decluttering? Our STEP community is so invested in the success of those around them, it is incredible to see and experience! If you want to learn how you can join the party, come to our free class! You can sign up here.
This is a great topic. Objects are less of a problem for me. The thing I struggle with is notes I made during some hard times (the first 2 years of being a parent and first 2 years in my career) and my wish that I could have done things differently. I can’t bring myself to read the notes or throw them away, even though it seems silly to keep them. I have several boxes of them. I wonder how many other people have this struggle.
Ryan, thank you for your comment! I have a feeling that you’re not alone at all. 🙂 The steps outlined in the podcast will be very helpful to you as you think and work through your feeling about these notes. If you’re part of our STEP Mastery program you could also post in the Facebook group for other ideas. You could also consider scanning them to Evernote for future reference. That’s a great way to keep them without physically keeping them. Wishing you all the best! Thanks for being with us!!
Ryan, It’s also okay to just keep them. The reason to streamline or downsize is for benefit. If it doesn’t benefit you to get rid of them, don’t. This is something I’ve come to terms with about my journals. I wish they didn’t take up so much space, but they are an in depth record of my life and history. If I digitized them, it wouldn’t be the same as holding the actual journal in my hand, seeing pages wrinkled from rain or tears, or knowing that I hold in my hands the very thing that helped me process. Writing is often more than words, it’s like part of your heart or someone else’s represented in a physical piece of paper. You’ll know when you’re ready to get rid of them if that time comes. I have two books that were part of my identity from years ago. I’m getting rid of them now after years and years of keeping them. I wasn’t ready before. But this time when I went through the box, I could feel a chain-like weight that tied me to them–and also everything negative they now represented. It was freeing to let them go and work through everything they emotionally represented.
I’m in a whole different season of life. I don’t work and am in my 60s. My husband is retired. I volunteer at my church and babysit for my 3 year old grandson.
My challenge with emotional holding on surrounds the photos that belonged to my parents and my grandparents. I have no problem throwing photos or slides away that have nothing to do with our family, people I don’t know, and things like that. But I vacillate when it comes to historical photos, like the ones my dad took in post WWII while in Japan in the service. They aren’t family but they are so valuable (in my mind). My siblings do not live close by and really aren’t any help. My children say they are interested in these old photos that tell the history of our family so I know someone will appreciate them after I’m gone. I’m sending many of the very old ones, film reels, and some slides to the company, Forever, who will scan them professionally and place them in my online digital library. Then they return them all to me and send hard drives or what ever they are called for my keeping. I plan on making albums but this is a huge task! I still have my own photos to do.
What do you suggest?
Sharon
Sharon, thanks for your comment. It sounds like you’re on the right track! Breaking these tasks down into small bite-sized, actionable steps is the way to tackle something that seems overwhelming. This is something that we share in our free training, “How to Finally Stop Drowning in Piles of Paper, Clutter, Emails, and To-Do Lists.” We’d love to have you join us! http://www.LearnDoBecome.com/STEP
I think im doing ok with clutter.
I have been saving some things for a yard sale, but decided we dont have the energy in our 60’s.
I decided to gather them and give them to a thrift store…unless our kids want them. (Probably not.)
The only other clutter is papers to sort. Some in bins, some in desinated piles. I know where they are and im working on them.
I do have decor…things our 8 kids made, mostly.
Those make me happy. Plus books. They make me happy, too. We have books on bookshelves, neatly. The kids’ things are mostly on a shelf all around the top of one of the bedrooms.
This is a victory.
I used to have little and big scrap papers with notes to myself, and etc., all around the house. But now all papers go to my office.
Thank you for all your help !
What was the podcast you mentioned at the beginning that you listen to? A therapy in your pocket?
It’s the Feeling Good Podcast by Dr David Burns. You can find it on any podcast player. Here’s a link to the general website: https://feelinggood.com/category/podcast/. Enjoy!
Thank you, April, for this podcast! This podcast for me was the best one yet! You hit it on the head for me! When I started the whole STEP program in my home office, I didn’t realize the kind of clutter I had surrounding me until I listened to this podcast. It was hard to let go of the stuff when those beautiful memories surround you. But I realized that those days are gone and that chapter has closed and a new season has begun. But I realized a couple of things; first, no one can ever take those memories from me. They are mine forever, and you don’t necessarily need the item to remind you of it. Second, it is like peeling an onion. The outer layer is those things that don’t have an emotional connection and are easy to get rid of or deal with, but as you go deeper into the layers and get closer to the heart of the issue, you need to go slower, to grieve and let go. I am so grateful for your ideas! I will use them in the future.
Thank you, Jody! You are spot on. It doesn’t always make it easier but it does help to understand the thought process behind it. Keep up the good work!
We grew up with the idea that some day we would be able to use our treasure. Our kids will want this because it is from the family and we need to pass it down. We have to reprogram out thoughts to keeping only what is being used. If it has not been used in a year, it is time to let go and let someone else enjoy it.The older we become it takes so much energy to work on it.
Such good thoughts here, Ann! Thank you for your comment!
I have been weighed down with our regular “stuff” from melding 2 households, raising kids, and then after 37 years of teaching Biology, bringing home all my accumulated folders and books that did not bel9ng to the school when I retired, planning to narrow it all down but keep 1 sample of everything and all my notes because I am going to be an online tutor. Then My husband’s mother passed away and we inherited her whole apartment and my mom just passed away and I have a lot of memorabilia that I am too emotional to let go of plus the historical family items. My basement looks likie a hoarder lives there. But I have adopted the mantra “think it, do it” in my everyday life and the excuse I have used of “someday” has to go away- someday is here and just 2 weeks ago I applied the think it, do it to this clutter problem. I dealt with 1 tiny section of the basement that had items I knew I did not really care about, just to gte my feet wet, lassoed my husband into the task so I had support (plus some of it is his and his mom’s) and we have made huge progress. It will take a very long time, and then there are things like organizing photos and my crafts supplies and planting supplies and music and books… these are not even in the basement but cluttering the rest of the house. I have dedicated 2020 to be the ORGANIZATION year and it feels good to finally get started!! I already knew and have used all the ideas, I just needed to take and deep breath and just DO IT!
Julie, this is a great mindset! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. We’re glad this podcast was helpful to you. We have another that might give you some great ideas as well, https://learndobecome.com/episode51/. Enjoy!
Thanks for the ideas in this podcast–Nothing like a little Covid-19/Quarentine to really kick off the organization of everything that has weighed me down! Now I have no excuses for not getting to the things that have needed to get done.
Last September, my landlord told me that i needed to get rid of everything in a shed that was on the property. ALL of my teaching supplies, books, degree program work, etc. were in that shed–but I haven’t taught school since 2003 and anything that I would need should I actually go back into teaching, would be obsolete…I cried many tears as I purged all of my papers and memories of HOURS of work and dedication. Thankfully, I did find a way to give away all of the books and teaching things like posters, helps, centers, How-to Books to some librarian friends and to the local college that has an Education program so new teachers could use them…It was SUPER painful but when it was all said and done, I felt so relieved to have it gone. And if that wasn’t enough…then in December, the landlord decided she wanted to kick us out to remodel her property. After 18 years of living there, there was an unbearable amount to deal with and so many emotions to wade through! I wish I would have had this podcast in my pocket THEN!! Now I am empowered to keep purging more and really applying the principles here. Thank you for sharing!! I can’t wait to really get into the garage and get to work!! 🙂
Linda, thank you! What a mixed blessing for you and for those with whom you were able to share your supplies. Thank you for your service as a teacher! We’re glad you’ve found us and now you’ll have the tools you need moving forward. If you’re part of our Steps To Everyday Productivity (STEP) Program at the Mastery level, we invite you to check out our members’ only Facebook page! The members there are so helpful and supportive. They really add to the experience of working through the program. We’re thrilled to have you with us and we look forward to hearing your success stories!
What do you do if the child at age 5, 10, etc, doesn’t want to keep *anything*? 😀
Sarah, such a great question! I reached out to our team to get some ideas for you. 🙂
Alia said, “I think that the parents could probably save a few things for the kid in an out-of-the-way place. My mom did something like that for us with some of the art projects that she thought were super cute or some of the things that we made when we were younger. We would’ve probably just thrown them away or not really cared about them, but she put them in a folder and then added them to our boxes later, and I’m super glad that I have those things that I didn’t really care about then.”
Jill shared this, “Yes, I agree with Alia! I adopted the same method of choosing 4 bins for each child. 0-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16+ . Here is a recent story: One day my daughter (WHO WAS CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY ABOUT HER BABY DOLLS) decided to clean out her closet where she had her all-time favorite real-life baby doll. She wanted to donate it and I about gasped! I couldn’t believe she would choose that, but knowing down the road she would like to share this with her daughter as she literally played with this doll for YEARS, so I simply said I’ll take care of it and put it in her keepsake tub. A few weeks ago when we cleaned the basement storage room, she opened the tub, and exclaimed, “SOPHIA!!!” with a huge smile and a big hug! She had so many memories come flooding back and we talked about all of the great moments and how she could share those with her daughter one day. It definitely came full circle!!! I think as a parent sometimes we just “know” when there is something special that should be kept vs. donated! I certainly don’t regret that decision!”
PS Information about the boxes that they both referred to can be found here, https://powerofmoms.com/organizing-the-end-of-school-papers/. Thanks for being with us!
Thanks, great responses!